True Blood, Season 5, Ep 6: Hopeless

A wolf drags Alcide down the hall while another attacks Eric, leaving Sookie alone. Just the moment for Russell, who was playing possum by acting weak in the bed, to zip into Sookie’s face with vampire speed and say one of his little quips “you’re just what the doctor ordered”. He’s about to chomp down when she gives him a light blast, sending him into a wall.

Eric races up, ready to stake the former vampire king but Bill holds him back from doing the deed – he says they’ll be killed immediately if they end Russell, it’s best to take him in to the Vampire Authority themselves. How do you kill this guy? I can now see how he’s been alive for centuries. And that’s when the Vampire Authority’s SWAT team steps in with laser sights and black berets to take Russell to meet his fate.

Russell is hauled off in cuffs, muttering threats and blaspheming their god, Lilith. He’s making no friends here. The SWAT leader wants to know why a wolf and a human are there (Alcide and Sookie). Bill says they found them in a van to which Eric adds “humping each other like livestock”. Nice, Eric, nice…

The commando team leader wants to kill Alcide and Sookie on the spot but Bill says let us glamour them. Bill’s glamour says Sookie won’t remember either Bill or Eric, that she will live in the sun as she was meant to be. Eric glamours Alcide to forget the evening but he adds a little extra – you will keep your hands off Sookie, romantically speaking that is…in fact, Eric adds, Sookie disgusts Alcide. Again, nice, Eric, nice…he’s showing his true colors here.

Alcide and Sookie are driving away from the asylum with Sookie hopelessly crying. It does not appear that she was really glamoured by Bill. He simply told her his true feelings. Later, Alcide wakes up in Sookie’s oh-so-girly pink bedroom. Coming downstairs, they start talking and Alcide keeps having flashbacks of their makeout session. She reaches for his hand and he recoils from her. She curses Eric, knowing that he purposely glamoured Alcide into not touching her.

Sam and Luna are in the hospital, having not been killed by the supernatural stalkers when Marcus’ mother brings Emma by to see her mom. Luna and Martha come to a truce and Martha agrees to protect her granddaughter.

Eric and Bill arrive at the Vampire Authority where they are hailed by the councilors as the victors that they are. Salome says she is interrogating Russell but has learned nothing. The Guardian comes in with a bottle of 18th century hemophiliac blood – to vampires it’s like the finest of wines. He’s in a great mood, happy and celebratory but he says he want to execute Russell immediately.

Sookie and Jason go back out to the field to find the fairy nightclub. Sookie simply walks into it but Jason can’t go in until she reaches back out and brings him in. Once again, we’re subject to the dance party of scantily clad fairies gyrating all over the place.

Andy drops by the redneck store where Sookie bought the liquid silver a few episodes ago and challenges the proprietor on his wooden bullet sales. Sam saunters in and starts looking at bows when he suddenly yells “Andy!” because the store owner, Junior, has ducked beneath the counter and come back up with a gun aiming to shoot them both. But, Sam gets him first with an arrow to the chest. No loss there…

Hoyt is being drained dry by some random dude vampire in the alley behind Fangtasia. The vampire actually stops drinking for a minute and says that Hoyt’s heart is slowing; perhaps they should call it quits. Hoyt’s says no and so the guy keeps going. Suddenly a van pulls up and yells “Die Fanger” and they shoot the vampire sucking on Hoyt’s neck. The shooter runs up and recognizes the weak, collapsing Hoyt and he carries him away.

Back at the fairy club, Claudine’s fairy brother tells Sookie and Jason that a vampire ambushed her parents because it smelled Sookie’s blood in the car due to an old band aid that was lying in the backseat. She backs away from him, denying it and shaking her head. She attempt a hand blast of light energy but it fizzles out and this causes all the other fairies to aim their light beams which converge on her.

Nora is still praying in her cell as Eric stands there watching her. Eric turns to see them drag Russell by on his way to execution. She says their plan is coming to fruition. Eric suddenly realizes that it’s not Nora who released Russell, it’s Salome.

As the Guardian is about to kill Russell, he starts screaming, “it’s all about order, not chaos” and he presses the button to drive the stake into Russell’s heart. Only, it does nothing and Russell attacks the Guardian, staking him instead. Russell ends this episode with another famous Russell-esqe line…peace is for pussies. How droll. Since he survived this latest execution attempt, I suspect we are in for quite a few more of these witticisms. Can’t wait…