Archive for funny vampire books
For anyone fascinated with both Hollywood and paranormal creatures, Adrienne Barbeau has them both nailed like an undertaker on a coffin. That may just be because she has a more than passing familiarity with both, being a very gifted actress before she decided to try her hand at writing. The satiric quality to the Vampyres of Hollywood series will have you wondering if perhaps some of this could be true.
In Love Bites we once again get to visit with Ovsanna Moore, a very old and very smart vampire that also happens to own, run and star in her own Hollywood productions. The commentary that runs through these books on the wolves of Hollywood (she names names, by the way) is hilarious in a dry wit manner that is perfect for this smarmy insider story of the paranormal underside of tinsel town.
The Scream Queen and owner of Anticipation Studios may be 450 years old, but you would never know looking at her. This time she teams up with a very seductive Hollywood detective named Peter to find who is attacking and killing the elite of the town. Someone has developed a taste for killing movie stars with long histories, and she wants to know who and why.
Wit and Sly Humor Abound
I admit to being unsure when I read who was writing these books, but Barbeau not only can give a great inside story, she can give it in style. I am a sucker for well-written dry wit and she does it here in spades. Not overdone, mind you, but create any character who has played on the Hollywood backlots since they began and they are bound to have attitude. Add in comments like learning to use attack geese from Louis XIV and you get a femme fatale with dangerous charm.
While this is the second book in the series, you really don’t need to read Vampyres of Hollywood to enjoy this one. However if you enjoy Love Bites you just may want to grab it too. So go ahead and grab either the Kindle or hardcover versions of Love Bites if you are looking for a witty biting paranormal look at the world of making movies. It will change how you see Lon Chaney forever after, I promise!
I thought for fun I would cruise some of the blogs about vampires to see what’s up with my sista bloggers. You know, for a bunch of night-loving anti-social wierdos we are a fun group, in the long run! And my apologies to the band Vampires Everywhere in the picture to the left is, but the name was just too cool to ignore. And they are pretty cute, in a vamp goth kinda way. Feel free to click on the pic to check out their music. Here is the low-down:
From VampireSpoilers: Spoilers from Vampire Diaries Season 3: Damon is so pissed off that we see him with some bottles lined up at the Mystic Grill, ready for what he calls “Brunch in a Bottle”.
A really interesting overview of East Asian vampire films (and ghost films, seems they can be interchangeable out there) from our buds at Taliesin Meets the Vampires at Blogspot. Check it out here. I found it interesting that because the translation of the word ghost and the kanji for vampire is both Gui. And the kanji for that also means suck blood ghost, so I guess that explains why Japanese ghost films are often also vampire films.
Author Natasha Larry has newbie vampire writer Charles O’Keefe guesting on her blog, and he writes about the nature of vampires, here. He writes some interesting ideas on the whole, and I always like to see other writers ideas about the concept.
And finally- this is so funny! The folks out at Funny or Die did a little movie short at Halloween about a not so cool vampire. It did well, so they did a movie based on the character called “Uncool Vampire Blogger” and you can check it out here. You have to admit, this is the perfect antidote to all those “too cool for you” vampires who just seem to be able to angst with the best and bed anyone they care to. I love the idea of it!
Finally, no really this is the last one! I just ran across the really funny vampire writer while researching this blog and have to add this one in. Her name is Mary Janice Davidson, and she writes some screamingly funny stuff, usually with things like vampire queens in them who complain about everything and sound like they grew up in Queens. My kinda girl. So check out the last one she did, UnDead and UnWed and let us know if like it. I think you will.
Title: Real Vampires Have More to Love
Author: Gerry Bartlett
Real Vampires Have More to Love is the sixth book in the ‘Real Vampires’ book series from national bestselling author Gerry Bartlett. For those who have not read any books from this series before you must know that the protagonist Gloriana Eloisa “Glory” St. Clair is no ordinary vampire! According to the laws of this fictional world the form in which you are changed into a vampire is the form in which you will be in for the rest of your life – in this case, forever.
So you must understand the love / hate relationship between Glory and Scot-Angus Jeremiah “Jeremy Blade” Campbell III. You see, it is bad enough that Jeremy sunk his teeth into her but to change her when she was going through her bloating phase… now that’s unforgivable! So let’s just say our heroine is a healthy one and she blames her ex-lover Jeremy for it. So over the centuries they have been in love and out of love more times than they can count. When it comes to Jeremy, Gloria’s impulse control is poorer than that of an adolescent!
Here is a summary of the book:
“Glory St. Clair is a vampire with man trouble. Between her on-again, off-again lover Jeremy Blade, smoking hot rock star Ray Caine, and former bodyguard turned apartment mate Valdez, there’s enough man-candy around to make even a gal with a liquid diet feel a sugar rush.
Glory’s got no time to enjoy it, though, considering that she’s in the middle of planning her best friend’s wedding. And let’s not forget that there happens to be a hit on her head, thanks to when she took out a techno-freak billionaire. Now, between planning a bachelorette party and dodging stakes, Glory has to decide which man she really wants, before her love life meets an early grave…”
I didn’t think vampires and humor really went well together till I started reading the Real Vampires series. Bartlett’s skilful story telling and wit in Vampires Have More to Love are sure to capture your imagination and keep you turning those pages. Gloria’s ability to somehow find trouble and her several other flaws are bound to keep you smiling from cover to cover.
Title: Haunted Honeymoon
Author: Marta Acosta
Rarely have I come across a book that has all of my favorite elements in one – vampires, romance and comedy! Haunted Honeymoon by Marta Acosta sure is one of its kind. Being the last book of the Casa Dracula series, the book brings several plots to a grand end, which makes it intriguing. I know what you are thinking – vampires and comedy don’t really go well together – Marta however, balances these elements so well that you cannot imagine the book otherwise.
The saga of Milagro’s life continues – she is yet undecided on who her soul mate is. Oswald evokes such feelings in her that the thought of living a life without him causes her unbearable heartache but having to leave Ian (he current vampire boyfriend) causes her just as much heartache.
Millie then sees Ian feasting on their neighbor Christine (Cricket) Poindexter (who strangely seems to be enjoying it) and that does it for her. She finds respite through a contract with Don Pedro – she flees to England, away from all the emotional turmoil, and even enjoys a sizzling affair.
Millie’s world wasn’t perfect thus far but when compared to what she’s about to encounter, it could pass for heaven. She discovers the decomposing body of Wilcox Spiggot (who apparently came to America to continue their affair) in her bed! She presumes Ian is the one responsible and decides to confront him. Even before Millie gets to Ian his aides tell her that Ian was not even in the country when Wilcox was murdered. Millie is now completely lost and to top it all she witnesses another such blood bath at the neighbor’s. Cricket accidentally cuts an artery and bleeds to death and her shocked husband slips in her blood and cracks his skull.
No, the action doesn’t stop there! Millie is now taken by a secret special unit. The book gets pretty sinister around here, while still maintaining its other endearing elements. While Millie manages to escape the clutches of Mercedes, she now suffers from amnesia owing to the trauma. Is this really a blessing in disguise? Does Millie have a second chance at setting things of the heart straight? Find out in the Haunted Honeymoon!
In Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story, author Adam Rex explores what would happen if the average geeky teen was turned into a vampire and how they might reckon with the repercussions associated with immortality.
Unlike his contemporaries, Doug Lee is anything but a sexy, mysterious, dangerous and captivating vampire. Poor Doug had an unfortunate chance encounter with a hungry newbie vampire, who forever changed his life. The meeting and bite that occurred between the two, transformed Doug into a reluctant, adolescent vampire. For most, the prospect of living forever in a state of eternal youth would be a cause for celebration; however, from a teenager’s point of view, it could be disastrous.
Doug realizes he will never change. He has been condemned to a life of perpetual youth, fraught with adolescent problems. He will always be a geeky, awkward, short and plump teenage vampire. He will never lose weight, grow taller or become popular with the girls. In addition, the transformation has created other problems for Doug.
Doug finds solace in his best friend Jay and the two friends decide to take a trip to San Diego, California to attend the Comic Con convention. During their stay, they decide to visit the San Diego Zoo. It is a trip that proves fateful for Doug. While wandering the zoo, Doug becomes hungry and attempts to quell his hunger by snacking on the blood of a Panda. Unbeknownst to Doug, the host of a reality vampire show is also at the zoo. Doug’s identity is put into jeopardy by the host and vampire hunter of the program, who is determined to capture a real vampire on film. Unfortunately, the vampire hunters continue to pursue Doug, even after he returns to his Pennsylvania hometown.
After returning home, Doug becomes enamored with Sejal, the new exchange student from India, who initially rebuffs his advances. Sejal is battling with her own problem of Internet addiction and she has vowed to become more sociable. After a series of unusual events, Sejal begins to suspect that Doug is not quite normal and perhaps, he deserves more of her attention. At the same time, Doug has been taken under the wing of a more experienced vampire and his confidence in himself begins to grow. Doug begins to learn about friendship, romance and self-esteem.
Fat Vampire explores the realm of adolescence through the eyes of a somewhat outcast, unlikely hero. Its humor will appeal to both teens and adults.
With her customary wit and dead-on satire, Barbeau skewers Hollywood and vamp lit alike, casting the paparazzi as werewolves and certain Hollywood “monsters” as the genuine article
Ovsanna Moore is a Hollywood siren, horror film legend, and cut throat producer. She also happens to be a 450-year-old vampyre. In the follow-up to the much acclaimed Vampyres of Hollywood, Adrienne Barbeau paints a wonderfully sly portrait of cinematic vampyres, as well as the nature of celebrity, and the entertainment industry. Her “Scream Queen” credentials make her the only author who could combine such a fastpaced, edgy plot with tongue-in-cheek references to the inner workings and vanity of Hollywood. A whirlwind of action, Love Bites is a clever take on vampyres readers will never forget.
Title: Undead and Unfinished
Author: Mary Janice Davidson
Release Date: July 6, 2010
Genre: Vampire Romance
Vampire Queen Betsy Taylor returns in the ninth novel in the New York Times bestselling series!
Vampire Queen Betsy Taylor is having a tough time getting through the Book of the Dead-until the Devil strikes a bargain. She offers Betsy a chance to finish the cursed (literally!) thing, and finally discover all its mysteries. There’s just one catch…
Betsy and her half-sister Laura have to go to Hell long enough for Laura to embrace her dark heritage (after a rebellious youth of charity work) and finally make nice with her mother, aka Lucifer. That means interacting with their family’s past. In doing so, they’re impacting the future in ways they never anticipated. Of course that’s what Mother wanted all along. Damn her. Queen Betsy has a lot on her plate in Undead and Unfinished!
Title: Vampire Bites: Delicious Twilight-inspired Recipes to Sink Your Teeth Into
Author: Alana O’Claire
Release Date: July 19, 2010
If you’re planning a Twilight-themed vampire party for a birthday, dance, prom, slumber party, Halloween or movie night you’ll want some delicious food to make the party a success!
You’ll find lots of great recipes in Vampire Bites: Delicious Twilight-inspired recipes to sink your teeth into including heart to heart tarts, red velvet cakes and bloody vampire cocktails, Forks apple pie, werewolf snacks, party finger food, and dinner ideas.
Over a hundred recipes to enjoy Breakthrough Breakfasts, Delicious Dinners, Simple Snacks, To-Die-For Desserts, and Twilight Cocktails, plus tips to turn almost any dish into a Vampire delight. With the famous wit and real-world sensibility that made her a breakout star, in Vampire Bites, Alana reveals her kitchen adventures and inspires readers to cook the Vampire way with taste and fun.